Confusingly, with no Tuna

We recently reviewed the Mexican Chicken MRE, an experience that I would call somewhere between “mediocre” and “okay”. There were parts of that meal that I didn’t hate, and I felt that the Mexican Chicken itself was actually kind of good. Certainly cooking it in its weird heating pouch was a novelty, and I enjoyed the whole experience. But the food varied in quality and, on the whole, it wasn’t something I would recommend to most people.

Which is by design. These kits aren’t meant to be eaten by normies. These are meals that soldiers take out into the field and carry with them, eating for a sitting, or two, before heading off somewhere else on a mission. If you’re eating these on the regular it’s because you have no other choice. The Mexican Chicken MRE was about as good as you could probably expect from a meal kit you can eat while on the go that requires no kitchen appliances and no refrigeration. In that regard, it was pretty solid.

But my sibling brought me two of these kits, and it was the second one that I was absolutely dreading: Tuna, Chunk, Light. Those three words, printed on the outside of the MRE, made me question this whole experiment. Did we really have to do this? Apparently yes, because here we are, eating a tuna MRE… except it wasn’t even tuna, and the whole experience was confusing all around.

When Tuna Isn’t Really Tuna

So the first thing I ran into when opening up the package and putting all the contents out was that the tuna packet wasn’t actually tuna. The kit came with white chicken chunks in a packet instead of tuna, but it also came with mayo and tortillas. While none of this was an ideal eating experience, what I assumed you were supposed to do was put the mayo on the tortillas, spread it with your spoon, and then scoop out some chicken onto the mayo and eat the whole thing. Quick and dirty. Except it was supposed to be tuna instead of chicken.

I dunno why I got chicken instead of tuna. Maybe that was intentional, or maybe it was a mistake at the processing plant. I do feel like I dodged a bullet because I fear what this would have tasted like with tuna. As it was, the whole “sandwich” (if we want to call it that) was just mediocre at best. On its own the mayo (which was fat free) had a nasty tinge to it. Mixed with the chicken it tasted better, but eating the whole of the sandwich (mayo plus chicken plus tortilla) left me with a weird, tinny aftertaste in my mouth. I was able to eat one of these and then I threw the rest away because… no.

The thing is, it was just decent enough that if this was all I had to eat for a meal, and I was starving, I wouldn’t pass it up. It was bad but it wasn’t inedible. I’m here in my house, and I have better food I can eat, so letting the rest go to waste is fine for me. But if I were in a field and this was all I had for a meal (or even for the day), and I was starving… yeah. This would eat. It wouldn’t be my favorite thing ever, but I wouldn’t really care. It hadn’t gone bad, and it didn’t taste so terrible I couldn’t swallow it so, yeah… A rousing endorsement, I know, but we have to grade these things on a scale. I still preferred the main entree in the Mexican Chicken MRE, but this was what it said on the tin, and it was edible enough.

Cheese Crackers with a Side of Cheese

The confusing ingredients didn’t stop here, though. We also got Cheddar Flavor Baked Snack Crackers along with a packet of Cheese Spread. My first thought was that maybe I was supposed to use the cheese spread with the chicken and tortillas, but then I wouldn’t have anywhere to put the mayo. My best guess, since they didn’t give me anything else to use it on, was that the cheese went with the cheese crackers which is just… odd. Why would you do this?

The crackers themselves were basically Cheese-Its. Small, square, cheese, salty. They were pretty good if you like Cheese-Its. There was nothing objectionable about them at all. But they aren’t crackers designed for cheese sauce. They’re small and don’t really lend themselves as a surface for toppings. Plus, honestly, the cheese spread was gross. It was too salty, with a tinny tinge to it, and the spread was gritty. The crackers were better without the cheese… but if you were in the field, and you needed your calories, you’d want to eat the cheese spread too.

I honestly don’t know what you’re supposed to do with that spread. Squeeze it into your mouth and swallow, I guess. Nothing else makes sense. It was gross and I didn’t eat much of it.

Marble Pound Cake

And yet, somehow, the cheese spread wasn’t the most objectionable part of the meal. That award goes to the Marble Pound Cake, a frightening concoction that, at first glance, I thought had actually gone bad in the packet. No, it just looked awful, but it wasn’t moldy or bad, despite how it looked. It was just a really terrible bit of cake.

The flaws here are numerous. For starters, the cake was dry. Considering you are supposed to operate on limited water supplies in the field, eating a piece of cake that actively dries out your mouth seems like a bad idea. It was also largely flavorless, despite promising vanilla and chocolate flavors from the (awful looking) swirl of its marbling. What it needed was moisture, flavor, sugar… anything to make it taste like a cake. I took two bites, for the sake of, and threw it out. This was a hard pass in my book.

Drink Mixes

The MRE came with two drink packets, both of which were fine. There was a small lemonade packet, which actually dissolved really well in some water. The flavor reminded me of Country Time Lemonade (although bear in mind that I haven’t had that mix in a long time), but there was, again, a weird, tinny quality I didn’t like. I did finish the drink, but I did that just by gulping it down. I’ve had worse drinks, but not by much.

Then there was the lemon-lime flavored drink, which was somehow worse. It was thinner, blander, and if a drink could be flaccid, this would perfectly describe what I got from this packet. The flavor was vaguely like lime Kool-aid, but only if you passed it through a filter and removed half its flavor. Plus, the mix really didn’t want to dissolve in the water, leaving me with grit as I drank it. The whole experience was pretty foul, but the packet at least had sugar in it, instead of sucralose or something else, so I didn’t find it as objectionable as I could.

This really is a running theme for this MRE: not as bad as it could have been, and yet that’s not saying much.

Reese’s Pieces

Finally we come to the one name brand item in the MRE: a packet of Reese’s Pieces. I am not a fan of chocolate and peanut butter mixed together, but for the sake of this review I tried these anyway. I figured at the very least I’ll have an opinion… and I did. They actually aren’t bad. They’re pretty chocolate forward, with a hint of peanut butter coming in as an aftertaste. I still don’t like them, but they are the least objectionable chocolate and peanut butter candies I’ve had. I just wouldn’t seek them out again.

Final Thoughts

This kit was bad. It was certainly much worse than the Mexican Chicken MRE, and that one was hit-or-miss for each of its parts. This one was bad enough that I feel bad for soldiers that have to eat this stuff regularly. Just because you can eat something like this, because you’re desperate, doesn’t mean you should. This was an objectionably awful experience and the only reason I could see ever wanting to eat one of these Chunk Light “Tuna” meals is because you have no other option.

My best suggestion: find some other option. This is just about as bad as a pre-made meal could be, in my opnion.