Shrinkflation Comes for a Classic

I won’t deny I have a certain, rose-tinted love for the pan pizza at Pizza Hut. I recognize it’s not good, not on a gourmet pizza, properly made, restaurant quality level, but in comparison to the other pizza chains I do like Pizza Hunt better than, say, Papa Johns of Dominos. And among all of Pizza Hut’s pizzas, the pan stood supreme (especially if you got it Supreme with all the toppings). It was shitty, fast food pizza but, with the blend of cheese and seasoning and grease, it somehow was also perfect.

Part of that is because Pizza Hut locked me in as a kid. With their Book It program, giving away free pan pizzas to any kid that read a book (along with a normal, adult purchase), kids got a lot of pizza, and they learned to love Pizza Hut. I was also in that era where the TMNT were huge, and Pizza Hut locked down that brand for a cross promotion, so suddenly there was free pizza, Turtles, and Pizza Hut, all circling each other. It was a fantastic time to be a kid, there in the early 1990s, and I ate more Pizza Hut than anyone probably should have. That love has carried on.

Recently, though, Pizza Hut did the unthinkable: they changed the pan pizza. This wasn’t something I had seen on their app or read about online. No, I discovered this fact when I made an order for pizza very recently, got a pan pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, and onions, and when I brought the pizza home and opened the box I saw… something that wasn’t a pan pizza. It was thinner. It was paler. It wasn’t as seasoned and didn’t have the cheese burned up to the crust. It was not right. This led me to call up the store and say, “hey guys, you made the wrong pizza,” because, to my eyes, my nose, and my memory, this wasn’t the pan pizza.

Credit where it was due, the store took me at face value and made me another. And then when I opened it at the store and saw it was “wrong” again I complained. That was when I learned that Pizza Hut has been rolling out this change and, I was right and wrong: the pan pizza isn’t right. It just so happens to also be the pan pizza. The lady at the store also let a little something extra slip: they’re now using not only a slightly different mix but also less dough. The pizza looked wrong because Pizza Hut has been cheaping out. Shrinkflation has ruined something else.

Still, I had this pizza so I figured I should try it out. Even if it looked different, maybe it was still good. Sadly, it was not. There’s a certain flavor, a certain mouth feel to the pan pizza that this new (smaller) version was missing. It wasn’t as thick, wasn’t as crunchy at the edges. It lacked the right seasoning blend that made it taste a little herby and very tasty. It also wasn’t as greasy, which some might consider a good thing, but it does alter the experience. This pan pizza was wrong.

The toppings were fine. The cheese blend tasted the same as always, the pepperoni was flavorful enough, but that crust... it was wrong. The crust wasn’t as tasty, and it lacked that herbaceousness, the rosemary and italian seasoning blend, that helped it stand out. Whatever happened, and whatever Pizza Hut has done, it ruined the key part of the pan experience. It ruined the pan pizza. It’s simply a bridge too far for shitty pizza.

To be clear, I don’t think this makes this the worst pizza on the market. That would be Dominoes. But it’s not as good as it used to be, and for the price that Pizza Hut charges (because, of course, with them shrinking the size of the dough they didn’t also shrink the price) it doesn’t really make it worth the money any more. Whether it was before is debatable but it absolutely isn’t worth it now. This sad, pale, blander version of itself lacks that magic formula. It’s just another pizza now, like all the others out there.

My wife still thinks we should go back at some point, a few months from now, and try the personal pan instead. Maybe that one is still good, still the right size and shape we both remember. But I gotta be honest: this screwed up the experience for me. Pizza Hut got greedy, cut back, and ruined the one good thing they had. Without that, why would I even want to bother. I have six pizza joints in town, and if Pizza Hut’s pan is going to suck, I have plenty of other options to choose from. I don’t need them anymore.

It’s sad to see the change, but that’s what it is. A change for the worst. And with that, another restaurant I used to like (or at least tolerate enough) falls by the wayside. I guess it’s not a bad thing. I don’t need to eat that much pizza. You just hate to see it happen. Times change, things change, and in this case Pizza Hut changed. For the worst.