A Smart Story Done Stupidly

There is a strong following for the works of George R.R. Martin. You can’t really blame the fans as the author came out swinging with a book that really captured attention, A Game of Thrones, the first in the authors A Song of Ice and Fire series, and it later led, of course, to the HBO series Game of Thrones. I’m sure everyone reading this site remembers how much of a cultural event that series became, with it dominating discussions, week to week, whenever new episodes were airing, and whole communities sprung up to discuss the franchise even when the series was in its off season. And while the TV show may not have ended that well (spoiler: the last season sucks) that hasn’t really tamped down the desire to see more from the author (especially the last couple of books for that franchise).

With that said, other books, stories, and adaptations from the author haven’t really captured the cultural zeitgeist like A Song of Ice and Fire. Not that production teams stop trying. One such production was In the Lost Lands, a film released in theaters in March of 2025, based on a short story by Martin. That film came and went with little notice (even this reviewer, who tends to keep his ear to the ground, listening for any bit of new movie information, barely heard anything about this film), and the movie bombed at the Box Office. Why?

Well, there’s one very easy answer to that question: Paul W.S. Anderson. The director, who became famous directing Mortal Kombat back in 1995 before going on to have a string of video game-based films, mostly the Resident EvilFirst released a Biohazard, the Resident Evil games, and eventually movies (awkwardly and clumsily) tell the stories of a world ravaged by zombies and the greedy corporate, Umbrella, seeking to profit from the mess. movies, alongside other films that felt like they should have been video games. For every watchable, if stupid, film from the director you can find a few other movies that absolutely tanked despite all of them having the director’s specific style and aesthetic all over them. Or maybe I should say these films tanked because of that.

In the Lost Lands is no different. Anderson takes a story about fate and magic, wishes fulfilled in ways the wisher would never want, and removes practically all the mystery, beauty, and nuance from the telling. Instead of a work that would seem like a post-apocalyptic sibling to Game of Thrones, Anderson renders another wasteland in a video game film, much like he did for long stretches of the Resident Evil series. The director knows what he likes, which largely involves putting his wife, Mila Jovovich, into various post-apocalyptic worlds and watching her kick ass, and he strives to deliver that again and again. As a love letter to his woman, this film does what it’s meant to do. The director really loves his wife. But that doesn’t make for a watchable film by any measure.

Gray Alys (Milla Jovovich) is a witch, a wish granter who refuses no one’s requests. The trick is, of course, that anyone desperate enough to make a wish will also be unlikely enough to think through the consequences of their desires, and that is always why Gray Alys delivers: what they truly desire with a heaping portion of consequences. When the Queen, Melange (Amara Okereke), wife of the Overlord, comes to Gray Alys with a request to gain the powers of skinwalking Alys says she can deliver. She refuses no one. But she advises the Queen to think about what she’s asking because, of course, there will be trouble. Still, the Queen sets the mission.

Gray Alys, after communing with her magics, goes out and finds a Hunter, Boyce (Dave Bautista), who can take her out into the wastes around the city, the so-called “Lost Lands”, so they can find a lycanthrope that lives out there. They have to arrive on the night of the full moon, when the beast is changed, so Alys can take its skin. But while they are set on their mission, another faction is on their tail: the Church. They hate Alys because she’s a witch, a heretic, and they want her dead… right after they force her to confess about the mission the Queen set her on. Action will happen, and people will die, but Gray Alys never refuses a request and always delivers. That is her way.

To be clear, nothing about this film works from start to finish. The problems start early, with our introduction to this city on the edge of the wasteland. We’re given no real idea how this city works, how large this kingdom is, or how the power structure really functions. Into that is inserted Gray Alys, who seems to work as her own power base in opposition to the Church and the Overlord… except also not. And somehow she gives the townspeople hope while they also hate her for being a witch. None of this is really explained or even broadly outlined, so it’s hard to know how anything works or why anything in this world is the way it is. We don’t even know what caused the apocalypse, which wouldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t so central to the development of this world. I don’t need to have everything explained to me but having anything explained would be really nice.

It’s obvious why nothing is explained, of course: Anderson doesn’t care about it. His job isn’t to give us a cohesive world. Instead he just wants to mash all the cool ideas in his head together so he can play with his action figures. Who cares if Boyce feels like he comes from a Western, Grey Alys from a fantasy novel, or that the world is part post-apocalypse, part steam-punk melange. That would matter if the director wanted to present a cohesive, interesting world, but Anderson doesn’t have time for that.

These aren’t new critiques of his works, mind you. Anderson has never really been interested in logic or reason. His worlds come out half-baked and oddly formed, there so he can set up cool set pieces, often with his favorite action heroine, Mila Jovovich, shooting two guns or throwing two weapons as she leaps to the side in slow motion. Nothing matters so long as the shots look cool and he can admire his wife. Again, it’s admirable that he loves his wife this much. It’s clear she’s his whole world. That doesn’t make for an interesting movie, though.

Even at just over 100 minutes In the Lost Lands moves at an interminable pace. Anderson based his work on a short story, and then stretched it out for feature length without putting anything interesting in there. We get long stretches with the two main characters riding, sometimes pursued by the Church and sometimes not, where they talk about absolutely nothing at all. We learn nothing about these characters and have no investment in them, whether they live or die. They spend so long riding through the wastes without saying anything important that you just wish the film would come to a close quickly. Again, that wouldn’t matter if the film could invest in the world, the characters, or anything going on but it doesn’t because characters and world building aren’t cool. Only action is cool.

And on that front… no, it’s not. Paul W.S. Anderson is a marginal director with grand aspirations of being the next Zack SnyderOften reviled for the bombastic and idiotic content of his films, there is no question that what Snyder's movies lack in substance they (at least try to) balance out with flash and style, making him one of Hollywood's top directors... sadly.. He has the same style – lots of CGI background, so many muted colors and swirling fires, and a whole lot of slow motion, without even the iota of directing talent that Snyder has. Every film Anderson has made feels workman-like and, somehow, bland despite all the things frequently going on in the film. In the Lost Lands features a train chain, a shoot out, a high-stakes ride across a ravine, a battle with the undead, and another train chase, and all of it feels so tedious and tired. The film lacks energy, style, or substance meaning nothing about it lands.

Plus, let’s be clear, Alys specifically tells us at the start of the film that she always delivers on her promises. That means that we can bet, with almost one hundred percent certainty, that she’s going to survive the film. That drains any tension out of the action because we know she has plot armor. Nothing bad can happen to her, no matter how dire it’ll be, and frequently the film invents new magical powers for her to get itself out of any corner it writes itself into. The film cheats, and fails to deliver when it counts because it cheats. It just doesn’t work.

I don’t want to hate on Anderson. His films aren’t always good but they are often craptastically fun to watch. In the Lost Lands isn’t even that. This is a crappy movie that fails to be fun in any way. It’s drab, dead on the inside and the outside, devoid of the kind of thrills you need to get through this kind of shlock. It’s nice that Anderson loves his wife so much. Maybe next time he can just tell her he loves her instead of forcing a cinematic horror like this on us again.